如菊如水

汇丰银行商务写作教程（13）



Being Cohesive: What Does A Supporting Sentence Do?  

Now, you're going to learn another feature of cohesive paragraphs: supporting sentences.

Do you know what a supporting sentence does?

In business writing, supporting sentences support the main idea by

l         expanding or developing the main idea

l         explaining, eg identifying causes, effects, reasons etc

l         providing specific details.

Remember each supporting sentence must be related to the main idea (topic sentence).

Look at the example paragraph again.

Our Home Mortgage Loan eases the stress of buying property. Our terms are very competitive. The flexible repayment schedule enables you to budget your expenses. In addition, it gives you a clear picture of your financial commitment for the whole period.

Notice how the supporting sentences

l         develop the main idea by continuing to talk about the Home Mortgage Loan

l         explain how the loan can ease the stress of buying a property

l         provide specific details.

Also, see how each supporting sentence is related to the main idea (topic sentence).

Finally, note the number of supporting sentences in a paragraph. The example paragraph contains three. Usually, there are no more than five!

Learning Point 3

Supporting sentences support the main idea expressed in the topic sentence. They do this by

l         expanding or developing the main idea

l         explaining, eg identifying causes, effects or reasons

l         providing specific details.

  Remember:  

include only 1-5 supporting sentences in a paragraph

each supporting sentence must be related to the main idea.

Being Cohesive: Supporting Sentences  

You can practise working with supporting sentences in the following exercise.

In each of the paragraphs that follow, there is a sentence that doesn't belong. The first one has already been done as an example.

1.   

a. Most people know that coffee contains caffeine.

b. Few people realise that tea also contains caffeine.

c. Many soft drinks, such as cola, contain caffeine as well.  

d. Diet soft drinks contain fewer calories than regular soft drinks.  



The fourth sentence doesn't belong in the paragraph because it discusses a different idea. The paragraph is about "caffeine"; the fourth sentence is about "calories".

Now try to find the sentence that doesn't belong in each of the three paragraphs below.

2.   

  a. Our new Premier account has many benefits.

  b. You can use your Premier card at any HSBC ATM machine worldwide free of charge.  

  c. Also, you will receive a Premier Mastercard with no annual fee.  

  d. In addition, the minimum balance is $300,000.

  

D is not a benefit, it is a requirement.

3.   

  a. The company is experiencing serious financial difficulties.  

  b. For the past five years, the company has had low profits.  

  c. All important decisions are made at managers' monthly meetings.  

  d. Recruitment efforts have been curtailed to save money.

  
C says nothing to support the fact that the company is experiencing serious financial difficulties.

4.   

  a. The company has become very selective in recruiting.

  b. All executives must now be university graduates.  

  c. They will also receive an enhanced benefits package.

  d. In addition they need to demonstrate computer skills.

  e. Finally, they are required to pass an English test.

C does not support the idea that the company has become selective with its recruiting.

Look at the two topic sentences below. Write two or three sentences that support the main idea expressed in each topic sentence.

1. I recommend that Larry Grafton be promoted.

2. To finalize the details of the staff party, I would like some more information.

1. There is no model answer. However, if you gave reasons to support your recommendation, then you've got the right idea.

"He has performed well throughout the year. Moreover, he shows potential beyond his present position."

2. There is no model answer. However, if you gave more details about the arrangements, you've got the right idea.


"Could you please tell me the exact number of guests and the seating arrangements? I would also like to know if you would prefer a Chinese menu or an English menu."

如菊如水

汇丰银行商务写作教程（14）



Being Cohesive: What Are Transitions?  



In this section, you're going to look at the next feature of cohesive paragraphs: transitions.



Do you know what transitions do?



In business writing, transitions



l         link sentences together and

l         show the relationships between sentences.

l         

What does this mean?



Read the following paragraph, which has NO transitions. What do you think of this paragraph?



The customer had proper identification. Her records showed that her account was overdrawn. She didn't have a pre-arranged overdraft facility. The counter service officer couldn't make the withdrawal for her.




This is NOT an effective paragraph.



The ideas don't flow smoothly. The writer "jumps" from one idea to another. The ideas are not linked together. It's difficult to guess what's coming next.



Being Cohesive: Different Types Of Transitions  



Look at the paragraph again. This time, you will see that three types of transitions are used.



The customer had proper identification. However, her records showed that her account was overdrawn. In addition, she didn't have a pre-arranged overdraft facility. Therefore, the counter service officer couldn't make the withdrawal for her.




The use of However at the beginning of the second sentence signals a change in direction. It suggests a comparison / contrast is about to follow. If a customer has the proper identification, you would expect everything to be okay. But, in this case, everything is not okay and the word However tells you this.  



In addition tells you of the other problem the writer wants to mention (ie, no overdraft facility). It highlights the fact that there are two problems: the customer's account is overdrawn and the customer has no overdraft facility. The transition also shows you that these two problems are of equal importance.  



Therefore draws your attention to the cause and effect relationship between the ideas contained in this paragraph. The two problems mentioned above were the cause. The final effect was that the counter service officer was unable to make the withdrawal for the customer.  

Can you see how transitions make a paragraph cohesive? Without them your reader may get confused or misunderstand what you're trying to say.



Being Cohesive: 5 Types of Transitions



In the table below, five types of transitions are listed with some examples.



When you want to
you can use
Transition category

Give specific examples
For example, Such as, To illustrate, Namely
Example

Show the sequence of actions or events, giving instructions
First, Then, Finally, Earlier
Sequence

Introduce additional information of equal importance
In addition, Also, Moreover, Furthermore, Similarly, Likewise


Equal weight



Show similarities or differences
However, Yet, On the other hand, But
Comparison/Contrast



Show results of actions


Therefore, As a result, So, Consequently
Cause-effect






In the previous screen, you saw how to use three types of transitions:

1) comparison / contrast

2) equal weight

3) cause-effect



Look at the following sentence to see how the other two categories of transitions are used.



Then you can write an opening sentence, such as, "Thank you for your letter of 14 February 2000," ...




Notice how Then is giving an instruction for the next action in a sequence of events.



Such as tells you that an example of an opening sentence (mentioned in the first phrase) is about to follow.



Learning Point 4



There are five basic types of transitions:

Example

Sequence

Contrast / compare

Equal importance

Cause / effect.

  

Transitions make a paragraph cohesive by  

l         linking the sentences together smoothly

l         showing the relationship between sentences

l         helping us move quickly between ideas.



They show the reader where we've been and where we're going with our writing.



Being Cohesive: Transitions  



In this exercise, choose the set of three transitions that you think is the most suitable for the paragraph.



For example, if you think the correct transitions for paragraph 1 are



In addition, Consequently and Later, then choose option A



1. Nancy is very busy. She wants to go home but she has to telephone a long list of new customers to confirm their orders. ________, she has to write many e-mails. ________, she will have to stay late at the office. _______ , when she's finished, she will go home.



A. In addition, Consequently, Later

B. If, Therefore, Besides

C. Then, Finally, Again

D. Then, For instance, Later

   

2. There will be an important company meeting this weekend. All the Directors will be there. _____ , all the Senior Managers will be there. We will discuss new business developments on Saturday. ____ , on Sunday, we will look at new business strategies. _____ , the Chairman will address everyone and give a speech in the evening before dinner.



A. Later, Finally, Consequently

B. In addition, Then, Finally

C. Later, So, Consequently

D. However, Before, For example

   

3. Life is full of difficult questions. ______ , what would you do if you suddenly had an accident? _______ , what if the accident prevented you from working? Maybe everything would be fine without HSBC insurance. _______ , for just a few dollars each month, you could provide your family with complete peace of mind.



A. Also, In fact, On the other hand

B. Nevertheless, However, To illustrate

C. For example, Moreover, On the other hand

D. First, Then, For example



In each of the sentences below, the transitions are missing, unnecessary or incorrect. Correct each sentence. After you've corrected a sentence, click "A" to see the answer.



1. We sell insurance. We sell investment products.  



We sell insurance. We also sell investment products. (missing transition)

   

2. Our advertising budget has increased over the last quarter. Sales have not increased.  



Our advertising budget has increased over the last quarter. However, sales have not increased. - (missing transition)

   

3. Although, I wanted to go to the seminar, but I didn't have the time.  



Although, I wanted to go to the seminar, but I didn't have the time.

Although I wanted to go to the seminar, but I didn't have the time.

Remove either "although" or "but" (unnecessary transition)  

   

4. Since Mr Jones was on sick leave, so the meeting was cancelled.  



Since Mr Jones was on sick leave, so the meeting was cancelled.

Since Mr Jones was on sick leave, so the meeting was cancelled.

Remove either "since" or "so" (unnecessary transition)  

   

5. Due to Mr Lewis arrived late, the meeting did not start on time.  



Since Mr Lewis arrived late, the meeting did not start on time.

Replace "due to" with "since" - (incorrect transition)  

   

So, now you know how to use transitions.



When you use topic sentences, supporting sentences and transitions correctly, you will write cohesive paragraphs. You can use this knowledge whenever you need to revise your documents.



Learning Point Summary



Remember:



When you revise your paragraphs to make them cohesive, you need

l         only one idea in each paragraph

l         a topic sentence that summarises the main idea

l         supporting sentences that support the main idea

l         transitions that link the sentences together

如菊如水

汇丰银行商务写作教程（15）



Being cohesive:



Summary  



In this chapter you learned how to define a cohesive paragraph.



A cohesive paragraph is a group of sentences related to one another by a single idea or subject.

   

You also looked at  

topic sentences, which

n         summarise the main idea and

n         help the reader predict what the chapter is about  

   

supporting sentences, which

n         expand or develop the main idea

n         explain, eg identify causes, effects or reasons

n         provide specific details

   

transitions, which

l         link sentences together

l         show the relationship between sentences

l         help the reader move quickly between ideas.

   

Everything you have learned in this chapter will help you to write cohesive paragraphs when you revise your documents.



Summary Exercises  



There are two summary exercises in this section.



In the first exercise, you're going to practise writing a cohesive paragraph.



SUMMARY EXERCISE 1  



Write a short paragraph about



The benefits of traveller's cheques when travelling overseas.

  

You will need to think of a topic sentence and two or three supporting sentences. You should also use some transitions.  



Look at the following suggested answer:



When travelling overseas, traveller's cheques are much safer than cash. First, traveller's cheques cannot be used by someone else. Second, they are protected against loss or theft.



The first topic sentence introduces the main idea: "Traveller's cheques are much safer than cash". The second and third sentences provide reasons that support this idea: "Traveller's cheques cannot be used by someone else." and "They are protected against loss or theft". The transitions show the sequence of the reasons.



SUMMARY EXERCISE 2: LETTER TO MR PERRY  



In Chapter 3 you drafted a letter to Mr Perry. Then you revised it for completeness.



In this exercise, you'll revise the letter to Mr Perry again. This time, you'll try to make the paragraphs cohesive.



To do this exercise, you'll need the letter which you revised in Chapter 3.



Check the cohesiveness of each paragraph.



If a paragraph is cohesive, it has

l         a short topic sentence which summarises the main idea

l         1-5 supporting sentences which are related to the main idea

l         transitions which link the sentences together.



If a paragraph doesn't have any of these, you need to revise it to make it cohesive.



You should write your revision on a piece of paper.



When you finish revising the paragraphs in your letter to Mr Perry, keep both the "first draft" and this "second revision". You'll need them in Chapters 5 - 6 and 8.



Well Done!  



You've now completed Chapter 4!



In this chapter you continued to look at the fourth stage of the Writing Process: Revise



So, now you know how to  

1) define a cohesive paragraph and  

2) write cohesive paragraphs which include

l         a topic sentence

l         supporting sentences and

l         transitions.  



In the next chapter, you'll continue to learn how to revise your documents. You'll find out how to revise your sentences so they are clear and concise.



See you there!

如菊如水

汇丰银行商务写作教程（16）
[ 2007-06-01 11:26 ]


Overview  



Welcome to Chapter 5.



In Chapters 1-2, you studied the first two stages of the Writing Process: Plan and Organise.



Then, in Chapters 3-4, you looked at the next two stages: Draft and Revise. In drafting, you learned how to produce the first draft by only writing and not editing. Then, you began revising and practised making your document complete and your paragraphs cohesive.



However, you have not yet finished revising. You need to check the sentences you wrote.



In this chapter, you'll learn how to make your sentences clear and concise.



Plan

Organise

Draft

Revise



Objectives  



By the end of this chapter, you'll be able to

l         write clear and concise sentences

l         revise sentences to make them clear and concise.



Once again, you'll work on revising the letters you read and wrote in Chapters 2-4.



Revising: A Quick Review  



In Chapters 2-4, you read a letter written by Clever Man.



That letter has already been revised twice.

In Chapter 3, the letter was revised to make it more complete.

In Chapter 4, it was revised again to make the paragraphs more cohesive.



Look at the revised letter below. It still seems difficult to understand. Why?



22 April 200X



Ms Fiona Green

100 Clearwater Bay Road

Sai Kung NT



Dear Ms Green



PPS



I refer to your recent communication.



For your information please be advised that the PPS details and application form were sent to you at an earlier date.



If you complete and return the form to us, we can process your application immediately.



Thank you for your kind attention.



Yours sincerely

Clever Man

Manager

Smart Branch




Read the letter again. Then try to answer the questions:



1) Which communication is the writer referring to?

2) What did the writer send?

3) When did the writer send the materials?



The questions are difficult to answer, aren't they?



You can understand the words that the writer used. After all, they are common words - words which we often use.

xly147764708

哈哈！！！
我可能过几天就要去汇丰银行面试啦！！！
好紧张阿！！！

koeylaw

十分感谢你的资料！！

wang29

感觉还没贴完，继续等待～

hauha

知识储备 过两年好用

hauha

要写多少回啊?
貌似BEC的形式